Continuing On
by Just.Breathe.With.Me
Summary: Picks up just hours after "A Year in the Life".
1. Chapter 1

Rory leaned up against a tree with her arms wrapped around herself, watching the wedding reception from a distance. She was happy for her mom and Luke. So happy. This had been a long time coming. And yet the nagging insecurities about the uncertainty of her own future kept her from joining in the festivities.

"It's about damn time" Jess said, walking up behind Rory with a beer in his hand. She leaped a bit in surprise, hand coming to rest over her heart.

She took a moment to study the man before her. At some point he had lost his suit coat and tie. And he had rolled his sleeves up passed his elbows. He looked so handsome, so put together despite his disheveled appearance.

"Yeah" she replied, a beat too late. "Honestly I can't believe it took them this long." They stood in silence for a moment, watching the party. "So I assume you're headed back to Philly as soon as this is all over." Rory stated, gesturing around them. For some reason the thought made her a bit sad… But perhaps that was just the hormones.

Jess smiled, taking a sip of his beer "Actually, I'm going to stick around for awhile. I promised Luke I'd help out at the dinner while they're on their honeymoon."

"Oh really?" She asked skeptically, trying to clamp down on the fluttery feeling that accompanied this knowledge. " Do you really think you can handle two full weeks of Stars Hallow?"

"I've done it before." Jess shrugged as though it wasn't a big deal.

"That was different." Rory countered, shaking her head. "You didn't have much choice then. But this… you actually volunteered?" After all this time he still managed to surprise her.

"I've come back to Stars Hollow of my own accord before." he reminded her.

"I know, but this is different..." she trailed, off trying not to think of the fact that she was the reason why he'd done it before. And judging by the way he was clenching his beer and the far off look in his eyes, he way trying to do the same.

"I don't know." Jess sighed, turning to look at her. "I guess, maybe I'm still trying to make up for everything Luke did for me. So if that means dealing with two weeks of Stars Hollow craziness, so be it." Two weeks… that would make this the longest amount of time they had both been in the same place since they had broken up. Or rather, since Jess disappeared, leaving her heartbroken.

"And hey, if nothing else it's fodder for your next book..." Rory replied, trying not to think of _that_ summer.

"That's true" he chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. They fell into a companionable silence, enjoying one another's company while watching the entertainment that accompanied a Stars Hallow wedding.

"Do you want to dance?" he asked after a bit, nodding his head towards the congregation of flailing bodies.

"I appreciate the offer Jess but I'm actually not feeling well. I think I may bid my mom a goodnight and head home." Rory replied. Truthfully she felt fine, physically at least. A bit tired maybe but thankfully she had yet to experience any nausea. But her thoughts on the other hand were starting to wear on her. Plus, it wouldn't be long before someone noticed that she had yet to have a drink all evening and she certainly was not ready to deal with the questions that were sure to arise.

"Would you like me to walk you back if you're not feeling good?" He asked, surprised she was turning in so early. She must be feeling pretty horrible to miss out on something as important as the remainder of her mother's wedding reception.

"Thank you, but no" she smiled weakly. "Thank you for being here Jess." Rory said giving him a quick hug before turning away to find her mother.


	2. Chapter 2

Lorelai was disappointed that her daughter chose to turn in so early into the wedding reception. But, given Rory's... condition... she tried not to let it show. She wanted to be supportive of this. So she pulled her daughter in close and lovingly placed a kiss on her forehead, like when she was a little girl, before bidding her goodnight.

Rory of course saw right through her mother's placation. But she appreciated the effort none the less. And she knew people would notice her absence, but hopefully by morning they would all be too hung-over to gossip. Perhaps if she were lucky they would all get far too drunk to even remember her absence.

Besides, the events of today, really the events of the last few months, had left too her exhausted to change her mind on the matter anyway. The morning alone had been hard enough. She hadn't meant to tell Lorelai at the gazebo. Hadn't meant to impose on her mother's day. But sitting there, looking out at the town, she found herself incapable of keeping the secret any longer. Thankfully, Lorelai had taken the news better than expected…

* * *

"Mom" Rory started nervously, glancing at her mother.

"Yeah" Lorelai replied, feeling more relaxed then she had in a long time. She had finally done it, she had married Luke.

"I'm pregnant" Rory blurted out, before she could talk herself out of it once again.

"Pregnant?" Lorelai asked uncertainly, the words not quite seeming to reach her in her blissful haze. Rory nodded. "Pregnant?" Lorelai repeated, finally starting to comprehend what her daughter had said. Of all the things Rory could have told her, that was the least expected.

"Yeah..." Rory replied timidly, suddenly feeling like she couldn't breathe. She had put this conversation off for this very reason. So afraid of how Lorelai would react.

The girls sat in silence for a moment. Just long enough for Rory to fear that her heart might actually beat its way out of her chest the way it was pounding. And for Lorelai to digest the information.

"Okay" Lorelai responded, a small smile creeping onto her face. Looking at Rory without a hint of judgment.

"Okay?" Rory echoed, gawking at her mother in disbelief. She studied her for a moment, but there was no judgment on Lorelai's face. No disappointment. Just a small smile.

"Okay" Lorelai nodded, returning her gaze to look back out over the town.

And just like that the conversation Rory had played out a million different ways in her head… arguments, cheering, tears, interrogations… was over. And she was left feeling… gypped. She had built this moment up in her mind and she needed someone to hash things out with. Someone who could help her sort out how she felt about all of this, how she should proceed. But this wasn't the time or the place for such things, she knew that. It had been selfish of her to bring this up now. But she couldn't take it anymore, the secret had been driving her mad…

"Mom"

"Yeah kiddo?"

"I'm sorry if I've ruined your day."

"Ruined my day? Rory you just told me I'm going to be a grandma…"

"Today is supposed to be about you and Luke though." Rory interrupted. "I just, I don't want to get in the way of that. But I had to tell you, I couldn't keep something this big to myself anymore. But now that you know, can we table this discussion? I'm sure you have questions and everything but I really don't want to make today about this, about me." The more she talked, the faster it came out, her nerves finally getting the better of her. "We can talk about it when you get back from your honeymoon." She offered.

"You're going to make me wait two weeks?" Lorelai looked scandalized. "That's just mean." she huffed, pouting at her daughter.

"Mom..." Rory sighed shaking her head in exasperation. But her mother's answer had been comforting. If Lorelai was teasing she couldn't be too upset.

"Okay, I guess I can wait." Lorelai conceded. She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Hey Rory…"

"Yes mom?" Rory sighed, almost afraid of what would come next.

"Can I tell Luke?" Now that things were finally back on track and they were communicating properly, the last thing she wanted to do was keep something this big from him. She wanted to respect her daughter's privacy, let her come to terms with it and inform people as she was ready to do so. But it would be hard to keep it from her husband.

"Of course" Rory replied with a small smile, knowing exactly what her mother had been thinking. She didn't want to cause them problems, not now that things were finally as they should have been 10+ years ago. But… "Could you wait until tonight at least though? After the wedding? It's just, if Luke knows then he will hover. And today isn't supposed to be about me. I don't want to draw focus."

"Plus," Lorelai continued, nodding her agreement. "If he's hovering then everyone will know something is up. And it won't be long until they figure it out. And I assume you aren't ready for that quite yet." Rory shook her head no, suddenly a bit worried about just how quickly gossip spread in such a small town.

"Hey Rory" Lorelai said softly, wrapping her arm around her daughter.

"Yes mom?" Rory asked, uncertain as to what else Lorelai would say. Everything that had to be addressed _right now_ had been. What else could there be?

"You're going to be a great mom"

* * *

And somehow after their discussion at the gazebo, the pair managed to make it through the day in a somewhat normal fashion. As normal as was possible anyway, given that Lorelai would be getting married today (even though technically she and Luke had already done so the night before). They got all dressed up and reminisced about Luke and Lorelai's history. How it had been so obvious to everyone for so long that they were destined to be together…

* * *

 **Author's Note:** **I want to apologize as it may take me awhile between updates for this story. I have bits and pieces of chapters written but I'm having a hard time stringing them together. Plus I am not yet certain what direction I want to go with this story.**

 **Feedback is always appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

Rory lay awake in her bed hours after she had retreated from the wedding reception. She had not lied when she had told her mother she was exhausted and that she hadn't been feeling well. But the sick feeling had probably just been her nerves and had faded, for the most part at least. And the exhaustion… it was still there and oh so very prevalent. But despite that she could not seem to get her mind to shut down so that she could sleep.

Now that she had actually told someone about her pregnancy it seemed so much more real. And somehow far more terrifying. She didn't know the first thing about being a mother. Hell, she really hadn't even spent any time around children, especially babies. She hadn't had much to do with her sister, given everything that had been going on between her parents at the time. She had been on the campaign trail when Lane's boys were that young. And Paris had a nanny who took care of everything for her kids so even if Rory had been around, she wouldn't have really been needed there. She hadn't really even been around Sookie's kids, one of whom was even her godchild, she had been busy with school at the time. God! Why would anyone even want to help her if she were to ask? She certainly hadn't been of any help to them. In fact, she had kind of been a shitty friend.

How would Lorelai react once reality set in? Would her serene attitude last once her post-marital high wore off? Or would she think Rory was throwing her life away, again?

And Luke! How would he react once he found out? Somehow the thought of disappointing Luke seemed even worse then disappointing her mother. He had always regarded her so highly. Even through her Yale dropout and more recent aimlessness. He had always been rooting for her, so certain she would get her life back on track. After all, if Jess could do it…

Jess

His name sent a pang through her chest.

But why? They were hardly even friends. It was more of a civil awareness then anything else. And yet, she felt as though she was losing him all over again. But that certainly didn't make any sense. He wasn't hers to loose… They hadn't been _something_ in over a decade. Then why did her heart ache at the thought of him finding out?

'This is all his fault.' Rory thought bitterly as she glared at her celling. He had broken the rules damn it! They didn't talk about the past, their past. That was their unspoken agreement. Ever since that disastrous night at Truncheon… They could only be friends if they accepted that there was no future for the two of them and they both had to just let the past stay in the past.

She chose to blame it on nostalgia. Given the way her life way about to change it would make sense for her to be thinking of a simpler time, right? Granted things with her and Jess had never been simple…

'Chalk it up to hormones then." she thought. Pregnant people got to do that right? Anything irrational or illogical could just be blamed on hormones. It was one of the perks that came with the changes her body would soon go through.

She nodded to herself, finally starting to feel the exhaustion overcome her when she heard the front door creek open and her parents stumble in.

They had certainly had a good time, and perhaps a bit too much to drink, by the sounds of things. Laughing and giggling and talking rather loudly. Obviously forgetting that their screw-up of a daughter was supposed to be sleeping only a few rooms away.

Rory turned on her side and stared out her window as the voices faded up the stairs…

Eventually she grew bored of staring out into the nothingness of the night. Giving up on trying to sleep, she wandered into the kitchen and made herself some coffee. She grabbed the draft of the first few chapters of her book and sat down to edit it.

She had only read through the first few pages when her mother wandered into the kitchen, rubbing at her eyes sleepily. Lorelai froze when she realized that she was not the only occupant of the kitchen. Standing still for a moment to let her sleep laden (and likely still alcohol clouded) mind catch up with her surroundings.

"What, no tap tonight?" She teased. "What are you doing up?" she continued when Rory shook her head.

"Couldn't sleep." Rory answered closing her manuscript. Lorelai bobbed her head at this, seemingly finding the answer satisfactory.

"Me either." She replied, grabbing a mug of coffee for herself. "You know Luke's going to make you switch to decaf when he finds out."

"I know" Rory retorted sadly, looking into the depths of her mug.

"Sooo..." Lorelai started, a few minutes later, taking a seat at the table across from her daughter.

"Mom, we agreed." Rory warned, glaring at her mother.

"I assume it's Logan's." Lorelai stated, waving off her daughter's protest.

"How did you..." Rory blanched. How did Lorelai know? She hadn't told anyone. She hardly even allowed herself to dwell on that fact.

"Mommy knows all" She replied with an air of superiority, taking a long sip of her coffee. To which Rory replied with a look of skepticism. "'In Omnia Paratus'" she questioned her daughter. Rory continued to give her a blank look. Lorelai sighed. "Taylor has been complaining about finding golf balls all over town for weeks." Rory blushed, recalling the most recent reunion of the Life and Death brigade.

"Have you told him?" Lorelai asked gently, not wanting to provoke her daughter. This had to be handled carefully. She wanted to be supportive. No judgments…

"Not yet." Rory shook her head. "I haven't told anyone yet."

"But you're going to?" Lorelai confirmed.

"He has the right to know. I don't want to be like Anna..." Rory sighed. "I know it will make things… complicated. But it's his right."

"I'm sensing a but…" Lorelai prodded, trying to coax the information from her daughter without setting her off.

"I have to wait."

"Wait?" What? Lorelai though. The judgment free train came screeching to a halt. "Why?" She thought for a moment as her daughter sat in silence. Why would she have to wait? "No! The wedding?" Rory merely nodded as her mother tried to catch up. Lorelai's eyes were wide as saucers as she tried to digest this information. "But why?"

"Because otherwise he'll do what dad did." Rory said softly, holding her mug tightly as though it would protect her. "He will want to do the 'right thing'. Be together." She sighed. "And I don't want that. Logan and I... we aren't meant to be together. I know that now. I don't want him to leave Odette and the Huntzberger legacy and the life he has built for himself. Not for me. Not because he feels he has to. I don't want to be the reason his entire life falls apart."

"Rory..."

"I know I should have considered all of that _before_ , but I was spiraling and he was something comfortable… familiar… safe." Rory sat there quietly for a moment. "I did it again mom, just like in college with Dean." She sounded so broken, so defeated. Lorelai came around the table and wrapped her daughter in a tight hug.

"You know," Lorelai started a few minutes later. "most people just send a gravy boat..."

"Mom!" Rory cried indignantly.

"I'm just saying"

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **I know I had mentioned at the end of the last chapter that it may sometimes take me awhile to update but this chapter flowed right out of me and I wanted to get it to you all as soon as possible.**

 **I would also like to thank those of you who have taken the time thus far to leave a review. Especially Nancy, whose beautiful words of encouragement helped to draw this chapter out of me so quickly .**


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning found everyone gathered at Luke's for a Bon Voyage brunch to send off the newlyweds. Lorelai and Rory sat at their usual table trying to enjoy one last meal together before Luke and Lorelai wend off on their honeymoon.

In the midst of all the chaos, Luke was trying to give Jess, Ceaser and the rest of the staff a quick rundown of what to expect over the next few weeks.

"So" Rory observed quietly, looking over the food Luke had placed before them, "Luke's not hovering."

"Nope" Lorelai groaned, laying her head on the table. Despite the midnight coffee, she still had a horrible hangover.

"And he gave me pancakes _and_ coffee " Rory continued glancing back and forth from Luke standing behind the counter to her mother seated next to her.

"Yep" Lorelai replied not quite getting what her daughter was hinting at. It was far too early (almost 11) and her head hurt far too much (too much tequila).

"So you haven't..." Rory pressed, unwilling to finish her thought given the crowded diner and the nosiness of the townspeople.

"Told him?" Lorelai perked up, looking at her daughter, having finally caught on to what Rory was hinting at. "No, not yet. But I will… and soon. I just, I didn't want to just spring this on him. Not last night. Besides there were too many people. And an open bar... It would appear I can't quite handle my liquor like I used to." She sighed before laying her head back down.

"It's fine mom, you should take some time just the two of you before you worry too much about me." Rory nodded, digging into her pancakes.

"Hey" Jess grunted, collapsing into the chair next to Rory. Judging by the return of his surly attitude and the mug of coffee he had pressed against his temple, Lorelai was not the only one suffering from a hangover.

"Wow, you look like crap" Lorelai observed, glancing up at him. She winced at the movement.

"Gee, don't you know how to make a guy feel special" he snarked. Lorelai merely grunted in response, waving her hand at him in a dismissive fashion.

"Rough night?" Rory asked a little louder than was strictly necessary, looking over the pair with amusement.

"Well, after someone decided to _abandon_ me," he stated dramatically, giving Rory a playful scowl. "I got cornered by TJ." He shuddered at the memory.

"Awe, you poor thing" Rory teased, hiding her grin behind another bite of her breakfast.

"Are you feeling any better?" Jess asked, as though he had just remembered why she abandoned him the night before. All traces of his previously gruff attitude gone as he looked at her with concern.

"I feel better this morning." She nodded. "Well, better than you two at least." There was that fluttery feeling again… Damn hormones.

The trio sat quietly for a little while. Simply enjoying each others company while they nursed their coffees. Jess and Lorelai both in too much pain from their hangovers to be up for a decent conversation. And Rory knew that she would not be able to enjoy real coffee for much longer once everyone (and by everyone, she totally meant Luke) found out. So she attempted to savor it properly for as long as she could.

"Hey" she shouted indignantly as Jess suddenly reached over and stole the last few bites of pancakes off of her plate. Lorelai groaned at the noise and swatted at her daughter. "You know, you're lucky I feel bad for you this morning, otherwise you would've lost your hand doing that." She glared at him. He merely rolled his eyes at her.

"Stealing food from a Gilmore?" Luke asked, finally joining them at the table. He carefully set down two more plates, a tall stack of pancakes and a pot of coffee. "Thought you were smarter than that." But the only response he received was a shrug as everyone quickly refilled their mugs and dug into the stack of pancakes.

The townsfolk came up every so often, congratulating Luke and Lorelai on their nuptials or raving about the beautiful ceremony. Miss Patty even stopped over to ogle Jess for a bit, gushing about how handsome he had been in his suit, to everyone else's amusement.

"Oh my god, he's blushing." Rory pointed out teasingly to her mother once Miss Patty had left. Jess squirmed in his seat at the girls looked at him. Luke merely patted him on the back sympathetically, having been on the receiving end of Patty's comments himself more times then he could count.

"You know, if it were Taylor or someone making comments like that at the two of you, they'd be arrested." Jess defended as his face continued to glow.

"He has a point you know." Lorelai replied looking thoughtful

"Are you sure you're not still a little drunk?" Luke asked his wife jokingly.

"Of course not." She replied. "My head wouldn't hurt so much if that were the case."

"But you just agreed with Jess" Rory countered, looking at her mother as though she had grown a second head.

"Even I have to admit that it's a little weird." Jess agreed, refilling everyone's coffee yet again.

"Fine" Lorelai replied defensively. "I take it back."

"Nope, once its out there you can't take it back." Jess argued.

"Especially when you have a whole diner full of witnesses." Rory agreed.

"My silence can be bought Lorelai." Kurk piped up from the next table. "For the right price of course."

"You just say the word doll and I didn' hear a thing." Babette chimed in nodding enthusiastically.

"I've got your back Lorelai." Zack agreed.

"And while I feel so loved that you all would do that for me, it's really not necessary." Lorelai stated. Jess look as though he wanted to say something in his own defense but couldn't quite think of what.

"We've got to get going." Luke said, glancing at his watch.

They gathered their things and started saying their goodbyes while Rory cleared the table and Jess poured a few coffees to-go.

* * *

 **So, I don't like how this ended. It feels kind of flat but it seemed to just be dragging on.**

 **If you've stuck it out this long waiting for me to post another chapter, your loyalty is greatly appreciated.**

 **Thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

The group finally made their way outside after far too many drawn out goodbyes, and a few off-color remarks regarding the honeymoon (courtesy of Babette and Miss Patty of course). An outsider would think that Luke and Lorelai were never coming back with the way the townsfolk had reacted.

"Jess is driving?" Rory asked, turning towards her mother looking perplexed.

"I promise I've gotten better." He joked as he and Luke went over the luggage, doubled checking that they had everything and loading it in to his car.

"I'm the worst person in the world." Rory realized. "You got married and I didn't offer to help you plan the wedding or throw you a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. Or even offer to drive you to the airport." She sobbed. "You decided you were going to go do WILD and I didn't ask if you needed to have your head examined or offer to help you pack or offer to go with you. I've been so caught up in my own stuff that I have been a horrible best friend and an even worse daughter."

"Rory!" Lorelai interrupted her, placing her hands on her daughter's shoulders. "Breathe." After a few deep breaths Lorelai continued. "I'm not upset that you didn't help me plan the wedding. I pretty much had it all planned out on the plane ride home. There was no time for a bridal shower. And I haven't been a bachelorette in a long time... we just had to make it official." She glanced over at Luke. "And as far as California goes" she continued, looking back at her daughter. "I had to do it on my own. Even though the trip was a… complete disaster… it gave me the clarity that I needed." She shrugged.

"But I should've been there." Rory argued weakly. "We used to deal with stuff like this together. You and me, we were a team."

"I know sweetheart." Lorelai ran her fingers through Rory's hair like she did when Rory was a child. "But after dad died, we were all kind of a mess. Scrambling to find a new normal. Trying to make sense of everything. I was trying so hard to be okay. But the truth is I wasn't dealing with it. Dad and I… We still had unresolved issues. Things we never really got passed. Things we didn't have the chance to fix. And he wasn't here to give me away when the time came…" Her voice broke. She took a deep breath, fighting back tears. "And all of that left me with this gigantic mess of emotions I wasn't ready to deal with. Going to therapy, it helped a little bit... until it turned out my therapist was the crazy one. But even then, I had to figure it out on my own. I just needed time to sort through everything. So I'm not mad at you or upset with you. You're just trying to find your own balance too. And that's OK. It just takes time. I know you're gonna be fine. We're going to be fine."

"I love you" Rory said softly, wrapping her arms around her mother.

"I love you too kiddo" Lorelei replied holding her daughter tight.

* * *

 **I apologize, this chapter is a bit shorter than the rest. But given the heavy emotions in this chapter, I felt it would have outweighed the previous chapter.**


	6. Chapter 6

The drive to the airport wasn't anything exciting. The girls held each other close in the backseat while Luke road up front with Jess, going over everything he needed to know once again. Though Jess was pretty sure he was just doing it to fill the silence. That thought almost made him laugh, stoic Luke filling the awkward silence will unnecessary babble.

* * *

The airport goodbyes had gone about as expected. The girls' newly repaired relationship led to tear filled parting. Lorelai being very insistent that Rory call her if she needed _anything_. And though Luke wasn't sure what exactly was going on that he was missing, he hugged Rory a bit tighter then usual, holding on a moment longer then normal, trying to show his support.

* * *

"You okay?" Jess asked, breaking the silence as they drove back to Stars Hallow.

"Just thinking" Rory replied softly, staring out the window.

"You know, whatever it is... whatever you're going through... you can talk to me." He said, glancing over at her.

"Thanks Jess. I appreciate that."

* * *

He pulled up in front of the Crap Shack a while later. They sat in the car in silence for a moment.

"How did we get here?" she asked him abruptly.

"I drove…" he said, though it came out more like a question.

"No" she shook her head. "I mean how did we get _here_?" she gestured between. "You hate Stars Hollow. And yet, you're here… _voluntarily_ … for Luke. And you've been making countless trips _here_ , to the town you hate, to spend time with your family, who drive you insane. You came back to help your mom out of some crazy cult. You offered to fill-in at the diner so that mom and Luke could go on their honeymoon. You drove everyone to the airport. Plus, you're a _best selling_ author. And you co-own a successful publishing company. You've got your life all figured out. And me?" She sighed deeply. "I'm a walking disaster. I don't have a job. I can't seem to maintain a _real_ relationship. God, I'm back living in my childhood home. And I'm so desperate to prove that I'm still a journalist that I convinced, no… begged, Taylor to keep the paper running, even though I'm doing it for free…"

"I'm sorry" she said after a moment, staring at him in shock. "I didn't mean it like that. I just…"

"I get what you mean" Jess replied with a shrug.

"God, I'm just awful." She exclaimed. "Here you are being so thoughtful and I'm just crapping all over your achievements like some kind of petulant child because I'm jealous that I can't get my own shit together." She held her head in her hands.

"Rory" he said softly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry" she interrupted, straitening up and looking him in the eye. "For all of this, it wasn't fair of me to unload on you like that. It was very nice of you to have driven everyone to the airport and I thank you for the ride home." She climbed out of the car and made her way to towards the house, leaving Jess sitting in the car staring after her in confusion.

* * *

Thankfully Stars Hallow wasn't very big or difficult to navigate because Jess could hardly focus on the road ahead of him. He worried about Rory. This aimlessness that she was going through, spiraling, scrambling for something, anything, to keep her afloat…

It wasn't just everything she had said though. There was something else she wasn't saying. The catalyst to her meltdown… That last piece that left her feeling so absolutely broken.

He had been able to read her so clearly once. Even before they had been _something_ … She had always been something of an open book to him. But now, he wanted to help her… somehow he always managed to get her back on track… But there was this distance between them. Time and circumstance had pushed them further and further apart… They were practically strangers now.

* * *

Rory collapsed against the front door the second it shut behind her. A quiet sob escaping from her chest. God, she was still screwing everything up.

Jess was just trying to help. Just like always. And her frustration with her own situation had her lashing out at him. She was jealous. He had everything all figured out. All the shit he had done and been through when they were teenagers… he had gotten passed it and made a life for himself. Despite what everyone else had said, he had done it.

And her? All of those expectations… All that hard work… It was all for nothing. Here she was, 32, all alone, unemployed, practically homeless and… pregnant. She had let everyone down. She was _still_ letting everyone down and they didn't even know it. Once they found out… she couldn't even begin to imagine the disappointment…

Her mother had handled the news far better than expected. Though, to be fair, Lorelai had once been in a situation much similar to her own and knew what it was she really needed. But the town… Luke… God, her grandmother was going to freak. This was basically going to ruin Logan's life.

And yet… somehow… the thought of disappointing Jess seemed worst of all. He had been the one who had always believed in her. His faith had never waivered. He had been the one to get her to return to Yale, always believing she could do anything she set her mind to. And more recently, when he saw that she was spiraling it was his suggestion that she write the story of her and her mother. Whenever she found herself drifting, it was always him who helped her find her way back to herself.

She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back tears.

The thought of disappointing him, it made her heart ache in a way that didn't make any sense. It physically hurt. Leaving her gasping for air. Almost like… NO! No… it wasn't… things weren't… just no.

She took a deep breath to steady herself before getting up off of the floor, vowing to do away with such ridiculous notions.

It wasn't like that with them. Not anymore. Besides, she didn't even mean it. She was just trying to cling to something familiar. Just like every other time things had gotten hard in her life. But it had never helped before. And she had already left enough damage in her wake. She wouldn't let Jess be another casualty of her own foolishness.


End file.
